Now again, most people would make a face that is acceptable, but like I said, I work with a decent hand full of socially awkward people. The face in question happened to be wide-eyed, mouth open, and dare I say…. shocked? I did what anyone would do when someone does that. I made a curious face, with a hint of confusion when they were out of sight, and that was the most interesting part of my day on that particular day.

I’d like to congratulate those who’ve continued to check in and see that this blog does live, even if it’s not always up by its scheduled time. Now here’s the real question you should ask yourselves; Was I late posting, or was this all a “Bill under the influence” simulator? That’s right everyone, I’m getting you prepared. While I understand your expectations for my posting on time, you must realize that there will come a time when I may be long under the table before I make it to the computer to write something for you all to read! When that happens? Chalk up one for booze!

Now then, no need to continue this clear excuse for my posting a few hours late, let’s get to what it is you’ve been waiting for. My realization. This now being my third post, all posts, including everything to this point in this post, has been nothing but a large build up for what’s to come. Really, you’d think I were the class idiot who, when time comes to present his project in front of the class, just stands in front of the room and shoots off explanations and speculation, completely steering clear of the main subject of the project. Fireworks and long hair to wave at you are an easy alternative if you’re staying interested, and if you’re still reading the bullshit I’m spewing, clearly it’s not going half bad. I probably could have used a better metaphor since I don’t have hair though…

I’m working on an idea. Just how long can I keep up this charade of a build up before it gets harder to keep running with a build up, and it’s just easier to start writing what you’d actually enjoy reading? “Bill Mercer. After two years, he’s still writing about absolutely nothing, and when things look grim, he writes out false promises to keep the readers coming back.” I would actually be pretty proud of myself if I could pull that off, because I take pride in rants about nothing and over thinking! Now I’m sure some of you are thinking to yourselves, “Who would care to put this much effort into a post with a disclaimer, practically telling people not to read what’s below?” A man who cares! I just care. Perhaps the rest of you are thinking “What is he even talking about?!” I made it well known about the following senseless rambling, so shame on you for being curious about an already answered question!

In closing to everything here, at a certain point in this post, it definitely got a little stranger, and perhaps even a bit more random. That point was when I decided to add the disclaimer, and ramble on until I felt ok with posting this, the part describing the point where things really took a twist for rambling. You can expect to hear more from me on Friday, even if it’s not about anything at all.

At some point in time I have every desire to start up something foolishly fun, where I can take some of the more generic stand up routines I do, and put them to video, all the while using the ideas of those involved on top of my own. That would be fun wouldn’t it? If I posted some average videos and put them up for your viewing pleasure? Maybe like…. a little mini series? Mmmhmm. Maybe a little bit of video traveling? That’ll be good. Peripatetic.

Have I been using fancy words at the end of every paragraph completely out of text? Oh my go-I can’t believe I eve-That is so crazy!

To give you a little insight into my pursuit on local stand up comedy, and perhaps what causes such drastic laziness, is that I hate doing stand-up as much as I love performing it. It’s nerves versus glory, and every show gives each side an extra push. So far, stand-up doesn’t get easier, it gets more nerve racking before each show, and it follows with you feeling better than you did the last time you performed. If you would like to take from column “nerve racking” and add to column “glory”, you simply need add alcohol to the formula, and it works wonders. A disclaimer I will put out there however, is that (and I’m sure you could guess this) while more alcohol means steelier nerves, at a certain point, nerves turn into sloppy “It’s-times-to-forget-my-entire-act-and-just-tell-everyone-in-the-audience-how-good-I-feel”.

It’s not a pretty sight, and believe me when I tell you that the club owners will not take you off the stage if you’re embarrassing yourself with said act, because while the crowd may not be laughing, they most definitely are. Now that I have completely gone off track, it’s time to get back to the point; it’s that nerves versus glory that has helped me decide that I’d like to branch off a bit and try to perhaps try some video comedy, as well as stand up. For those of you that know me personally, I do have people in mind for said project, and am not going to try and create something from nothing. Suck it. I’m sorry, that’s not very nice.

We’ve covered the introduction, the “I don’t know what I’m doing” post… Don’t lose faith in me yet. Wednesday is the “I’m completely overconfident with my blogs direction!” post. And you thought I didn’t know where I was going with all of this! Phlogiston.

Pretention points for you if you know the definition of the fancy words without looking them up.

What is to follow are the proper instructions to reading the comical musings of a person who may be considered the laziest local comedian in a decade. If at any point in time you don’t feel comfortable reading the words on your screen, simply stop scrolling your eyes across the words forming a sentence, and close out the window. It is my job to inform you that because the writer lacks some of the major components in his life that hold a persons attention, what you’ll be reading is unlike nothing you’ve ever read before, but really it’s more like everything you’ve already read, because let’s be honest here, people are reinventing themselves everyday, because no one is capable of remaining an individual. That’s right, even those of you who go out of your way to be different from everyone else? You only manage to fall into the crowd of people who want to be a different kind of individual, and your group is getting bigger every day. Suck it.

Now that we’ve covered that, let’s go over the basics in the form of an FAQ!

Q. I see you called Bill Mercer a lazy local comedian in your introductory post, I’m curious; What makes Bill Mercer so darn lazy?

A. That’s a good question reader, and I will answer your question with an example! Bill Mercer had a comeback show to return to the Boston comedy scene on November 22nd, 2009. He has not done a show since.

Q. What are the major components that make up a persons attention that Bill Mercer lacks?

A. That’s a good question reader, and I will answer your question with a few brief explanations!

-Sex. Bill Mercers game is like vinegar. Strong, and terrible. While there may not be stories about his sexual conquests, there will certainly be stories about his awkward attempts!

-Drugs. Bill Mercer wouldn’t know drugs from kitchen spices. His ignorance becomes blatantly clear when he tries to contribute to a conversation in those circles. He is just as quickly discarded from said circles.

-Alcohol. There’s plenty of that!

Q. Will Bill Mercer update his blog regularly, or will this die out, leaving me to find another blog for time passing enjoyment?

A. That’s a good question reader, and I will answer your question with another question! Are you free Monday, Wednesday, and Friday? That’s right. Assigned update days.

Now that we’ve really tired out the FAQ formula, let’s get back to a normal writing format, and continue to use explanation points to keep people excited! Now we’ve covered the basics, let’s break everything down and finally figure out what you can hope to expect starting Monday, in the weak ass form of a list, because I, the writer, am clearly starting to get lazy with my choice to write this in the form of an informal introduction!

-Updates Mondays, Wednesdays, and fridays likely before 5pm. Likely.
-When I’m clean out of ideas and nothing is going down, story time.
-Story time.
-Show postings. (Not counted as an update.)
-Videos. My own will get a post of their own. Ones that amuse me will be tagged onto a post.
-Insight on life as far as I can tell, as a local comedian.
-Reader requests.
-If you’ve got questions, I’m likely to take your question and answer it publicly. If you’ve got stupid questions, I’m likely to post it without and answer. If your question is of the sexual manner, I’m likely to post your question, and a picture of you, so that I can rub it in to the naysayers.

Are you finished reading everything? Great! Now that both you and the writer are happy that’s all over with, you’re ready to get started! Unfortunately, the writer isn’t ready, so come back on Monday when he is!